"You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?"
-- Hoban Washburn

Fantastic Four review.

Worst. Movie. Ever.

I can’t BELIEVE I didn’t check out Metacritic before seeing this, as I ended up wanting those two hours of my life back. Definitely felt like walking out. I’m not even going to get into its faillings as an adaptation because I was never very familiar with the comic series.

The best part of the movie BY FAR is the short film preview for Ice Age 2.

This horrible movie can be summed up by pointing out that NOTHING HAPPENS. Some idiot of a studio exec (sorry, redundant) probably figured that character development was an important part of a movie, except you’re still supposed to do that part well. Acting: bad. Directing: awful. Editing: Atrocious. Script: cocktail napkin. A few characters have the same conversation several times. Aren’t sappy scenes supposed to be interspersed with ACTION???

The entire movie is painfully slow-moving backstory for the final fight, which is terrible of course. But at that point you don’t care and you just want the whole thing to be over. The only other action in the flick involve public calamities that the F4 caused in the first place. Whenever any of them are in public everyone is cheering, even though they haven’t done anything good for anybody. In fact they are busy trying to get rid of their powers. Apparently, with great power comes great responsibillity. What? Screw that.

I grow tired of superhero movies that spend half the film (or more, in this case) showing how they got their powers in the first place and then go straight into fighting their arch-nemesis. F4 is obviously trying to start a franchise but it is not going to happen.

If someone in studioland wanted to toy with a new business model, Fantastic Four is the kind of thing that should be made available for free on the Internet 6 months or so before you release the REAL movie.

One Response to “Fantastic Four review.”

  1. ouch…

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